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[personal profile] amberlights
Title: Two Weeks Notice - Part 1
Rating: PG - 13
Pairing: Jonkey, 2min
Summary: In which Jonghyun has a self assigned expiration date and Kibum try’s not to judge.


On a bleak Sunday morning in the middle of April, Jonghyun sits by the window and wonders what the world would be like if he didn’t exist. As he watches clouds gather ominously overhead the answer comes to him clear as day.

Exactly the same.

He doubts that something as meaningless as his existence, or lack thereof, could ever effect something as large and complex as the state of the world. Jonghyun’s just another body taking up space, another mouth wasting food, another useless human sucking up oxygen that he doesn’t deserve to breathe and worst of all another murderer walking the streets. He shifts chestnut bangs to the side as he watches the sky darken and the wind pick up, leaves swirling around each other in a dangerous dance.

Jonghyun watches the leaves touch and go, restless in their indecision unsure of whether they should fall or float on. For a moment he forgets that they’re just leaves soaring in the wind of the upcoming storm and he begins to think of them as caricatures of his life. A puppet show starring him in leaf form and the battle he goes through in his head on a daily basis. What he watches through his window has ceased to register to him as nature and as he watches he comes to a decision that he has been dancing around for about a year now.

This is when he decides to end his life.

Not at this very moment of course, in a way he thinks it would be cruel to just off himself without warning. No he’ll give it two weeks, just enough time for him to sew up loose ends. Idly he notices that this is the same amount of notice one gives to a boss before they resign and in a way he thinks it’s fitting. For the past year life has been his job, something he’s been wanting to quit but had never found the right way how to. An odd sense of calm floods through him, the kind of feeling you get after finding the solution to a problem that had been nagging you for a long time, a relief of a tension that you had never thought you would be able to rid yourself of. He finds his decision soothing, the conclusion of a life long gone to waste.

Lightning flashes quick and bright through the sky soon followed by the dull rumble of thunder that shakes his window in it’s frame.

The rain begins to fall fast and hard, thick drops of moisture plopping loudly on his window. Jonghyun’s mouth twists into a grim parody of a smile and for a brief moment he thinks that maybe, just maybe, the heavens are crying right now.

Just for him.

The conversation with his aunt is going smoother than expected but then again Jonghyun doesn’t know why he expected it to be hard in the first place. There are no tears, no demanded explanations, she just stares at him her expression carefully blank and knuckles white from clenching the end of the table.

“Well aren’t you going to ask why,” he asks voice so low if barely drifts over the table to where she sits across from him.

She purses her mouth into a thin bloodless line and shrugs stiffly. “What you choose is your is choice. Why ask when I know that there is nothing I can do to change your mind anyway. It’s my job to look after you, not live your life, or in this case end it.”

He knows that this is only to be expected all things considered, she gave him a place to stay and that’s a lot considering what he‘s done. Its too much to hope for her concern, he just hadn’t thought it would hurt as much as it does. She could at least have the decency to pretend to be concerned and he tells her so. She pales even more which is remarkable since she was so pale already. She looks tired suddenly, fragile and weathered from time.

I’ve done this to her, he thinks, I’ve turned her into a shadow of her former self. She was so full of life, so full of love and I’ve ruined all that with my inability to do anything right. I’ve taken away the only sister she’s ever had and left her with only me as a consolation prize.

Just as he opens his mouth to apologize she stands up abruptly, her chair screeching with the force of her movement. She walks over to his side of the table mouth still pulled taut and kneels in front of him to cup his face in the palms of her hands. Her eyes bore into his and Jonghyun can tell she’s searching for something, he just doesn’t know what. Maybe she’s looking for sincerity, or remnants of the sister she no longer has, whatever it is she must not find it because she stands up and just as quickly as she came over she’s gone. He watches her receding back until she’s no longer in sight and when that happens he listens to the click of her heels until he hears the front door open and closes behind her.

Later Jonghyun will wonder what would have happened if she had found what she was looking for, if anything she could have said would have changed the events that happened after that day. Later Jonghyun will wonder if he’d have wanted it to.

Authors Note: Yes this part is painfully short but the next one will be a lot longer. At least I think so.


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November 2010

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